We Cannot Direct the Wind but We Can Adjust Our Sails

*By Gayle LaSalle

I first saw this quote at a friend's house several years ago. I don't

know

who said it but it's one of those things that you don't think much

about, at

the time, but it keeps coming back to you. For me it was reoccurring as

I've

had to adjust to events that were beyond my control. Some were serious

challenges, such as losing a loved one. Others were less so. I know

that I'm

not alone. Life is like that. We lose jobs. We lose some we love. We

end a

marriage or a friendship.

Here's what I've learned. Adjusting our sails means making choices.

Often

these choices are not easy, but ultimately it's easier than trying to

change

the direction of the wind.

We make choices every day! Sometimes we make them consciously and with

good

thought but too often we make them without solid thought. AND,

sometimes we

make choices by making no conscious choice at all.

To take no action is in and of itself is making a choice. By making no

choice, we leave the outcome to fate or worse; to the whims of others.

And,

it is this that leads us to feel like victims and powerless. Eventually

it

leads to martyrdom.

To make life choices, there are some clear things we can do. We need to

know

ourselves. What are our priorities? What is important to you? Are you

staying a job because it is working for you or because you don't know

what

else to do? Are you choosing or are you just stuck? What would you have

to

give up to make a different choice? What would you gain? Yes, that is

reality! Choices do not come without a price. Only after you look at

life in

this way can you really see it as a choice

So, you might say "How do we make choices when life intervenes and

things we

didn't plan happen?" Well, first, we don't have to wait to have a

catastrophic event to pay attention to making choices. After all,

practice

makes perfect. If you become aware of the choices you make in everyday

life

and how they impact you, you will become more aware of your ability to

make

choices in the rough times.

We can only make choices when we realize that we have them and we can

only

do that when we are ready to deal with reality.

And yes, that is sometimes unpleasant, even painful. Having choices

does not

mean that things are easy or that we will always be happy with them.

Life is

give and take and so are our choices. Sometimes our first choice is not

even

on the list. We may not even like most of the choices available. So, we

too

often tend to think we have no choice at all

But, we always have choices! If nothing else, we can choose how to

respond

to the life events over which we had no choice. If you lose a job, you

can

choose to see this as a defeat or as an opportunity. You can feel sorry

for

yourself or you can choose to be challenged. Who knows what else is out

there until you take the time to look. And, many of us don't do that

unless

life pushes us.

Possibly one of the most challenging times in life is losing a loved

one. We

can feel hopeless and powerless. We can really believe we have no

choices

and just live in our grief. But, we can choose how to look at life. Are

you

cursed or were you blessed to have wonderful and strong memories? What

do

you want to do with those memories? Do you want to see only that there

will

be no more memories or do you want to keep those great memories alive?

We can even choose our attitude. Just about every event in life has

both

negative and positive. Where do we put our focus?

This may seem like so much common sense. But we all know someone who

makes

few choices and feels victimized by life. Most of us have spent some

time

there ourselves. It is not a pretty place.

So, each day, we need to check the direction of the wind, decide where

we

want to go and then set our sails to get there – as opposed to

cursing the

wind for not making it easy.